Two years ago, there was a game that drove me insane in a way that no game has ever done before. There were those that annoyed the hell out of me with long stretches of boring gameplay, forcing me to waste my time on these aggravatingly dull sequences over and over until I was finally allowed to do the awesome stuff again (I'm looking at you, Spirit Tracks). There have been specimen that made me feel not quite unlike the unfortunate fellow depicted in this strikingly accurate comic here. And then there was this. A game so utterly shit I am completely unable to put my finger on why the hell I made myself play through its 20-hour entirety in the first place. Other than because it's totally awesome. And nope, last time I checked I was not bipolar!
Deadly Premonition is a game that felt like a chore nearly every minute that I spent with it, and yet I get those warm fuzzy sensations in the not-to-be-named lower regions of my body when I think back to it. The controls are as stiff and sluggish as a corpse embalmed in honey; waving your gun about is like struggling to guide a three-year-old kid's hand to hit the mark in a game of Tin Can Alley, with him trying to aim for your balls. The gunshots themselves feel as imposing as said kid clapping his hands together with unsuppressed glee, and with a couple of hours into the game that is also going to be a pretty accurate metaphor of the effectiveness of your bullets. You'll be standing there, motionless, firing off a dozen and more sluggish rounds at any given monster, with nothing much happening but a gush of purple blood spraying every which way and the critter giving off a ululating wail akin to the yawn of a stoned Patrick Star. If they finally drop, it must be the sheer exhaustion of overstraining their vocal chords.
That said, my first encounter with a foe in this game was actually quite impressive. The cutscene felt like it was ripped straight out of The Grudge, and the monster—or shadow, as the game insists on calling these things—was genuinely creepy. The moment you gain control over the situation, however, any sense of horror goes down the drain by courtesy of those sounds they make. Well, maybe not any, the way they raggedly move toward you can be disturbing on occasion, particularly if you only see them out of the corner of your eye and didn't expect them to be upon you so suddenly. The combat scenarios in Deadly Premonition feel like anything but action sequences; you move from point A to point B, solve a couple of lightweight puzzles and carefully pick off a shadow every once in a while. Even with the awkward controls, this is no challenge whatsoever, up until the point when those bastards suddenly seem to be wearing Kevlar vests and start to gang up on you.
When you're not busy being chased by preternatural creatures in poorly lit places and collecting items that might help uncover bits and pieces of the mystery shrouding Greenvale, the small town in Washington the game is set in, you go about your day and can move around the place pretty much as you please. The townspeople all follow their daily schedules; they hang out at home, have lunch at the local diner, go to work and all that average joe stuff, and you can hook up with them, get to know them and make up your mind on how they fit in with what is going on. To move through town and its woody surroundings, you grab a car. I only wish it was as simple as that, but unfortunately the atrocious driving controls will only leave you hoping for mercifully long and straight roads round the next bend so you can stop wrestling that analog stick with your poor blistered thumb.
So yeah, the gameplay sucks, most of the time. But if the gameplay sucks, why do I still like this game? Is there something that can somehow even out those shortcomings? Kind of.
It's the game's clumsy charm. Everything is so deliciously weird; the characters, the writing, the little quips, the choice of music. Even when the story begs to be taken seriously, you can only put on a patronising smile and gently pat it on the head. Like this article's title says, it's probably best described as slapstick. Yes, Deadly Premonition is a survival horror game when it comes down to it, but what the writers and designers have done with the concept boggles the mind. You don't really see cutscenes coming that are dedicated solely to advertising the deliciousness of turkey-strawberry-jam-cereal sandwiches. And you sure as hell can't be expected to take a game seriously that drops tunes such as the one I've embedded here in the least appropriate of moments. The thing is, while I did call it clumsy, I'm actually very sure that every little oddity thrown into this brew is absolutely required to conjure the surreal atmosphere this game is thick with. There was a mad genius at work here.
The story itself is quite interesting, and the pacing with which it progresses and key information is unveiled is immaculate. You are FBI Agent Francis York Morgan, and you are tasked to investigate the murder of a young woman in Greenvale. Evidence at the crime scene suggests that it is linked to a series of other homicides throughout the country, so you take it upon yourself to finally solve that puzzle. On the way to that solution, the game takes many twists and turns, and it also allows itself to slow things down a fair bit by making you partake in the mundane day-to-day lives of the citizens and by heaping lots of lengthy cutscenes on you. Like I said, though, despite all that the pacing is immaculate. Everything that's going on is happening for a purpose—not necessarily to move the story forward, but to let it come alive. And personally, I think the way Deadly Premonition feels is totally unique in the vast world of video games.
Before beating this little weirdo, I would have claimed in a tone of imperturbable conviction that such disastrous gameplay would be more than enough to keep me from continuing a game. And along came Deadly Premonition to prove me wrong. If only the controls were more polished, it would rank up there among the very best this console generation has to offer. If you are able to look beyond that, you'll be rewarded with a gem full of bumps and creases, but watching it sparkle is quite a spectacle all the same.
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